Most people are their own toughest critics — and often, not the most accurate ones.
Even if someone has just scored a big promotion, landed a new client or earned accolades for a job well done, internally, they may be questioning their competence or wondering when they’ll be found out as a fraud.
Imposter syndrome is a phenomenon familiar to most professionals, though research suggests that women and people of color are more likely to be affected. If you’re the only one in the room who looks like you or has your background, it can be easy to feel like you don’t belong.
Gone unchecked, these negative thought patterns can lead workers to overcompensate by pushing themselves to the brink — or they can hold them back from reaching for new opportunities.
Niole Nelson, a senior software engineer at Domino Data Lab, told Built In San Francisco she experienced the former in her early days in Silicon Valley, though she said a change in perspective has since helped her find a healthier route to success.
“You can’t let your mental view of yourself take control of your future. It's important to keep a growth mindset, but have a vision for yourself and understand what you want. Don’t just let life happen to you,” Nelson said, admitting that she’s also still working on this.
For Lillian Zheng, a senior group product manager at Reddit, confronting imposter thoughts meant acknowledging what she didn’t know and leaning on her team for their support and expertise.
“Don’t be afraid to ask questions,” she said. “It shows that you're engaged, curious and eager to learn. Plus, it’ll help you get up to speed faster and make a positive impact on your team.”
Below, Nelson and Zheng share their advice for overcoming self-doubt and finding confidence even when you don’t fit in.
Domino Data Lab helps data science teams and organizations accelerate their machine-learning initiatives and improve collaboration and reproducibility.
Give us some background. How have you experienced imposter syndrome in your career?
I experienced imposter syndrome when I first started working in Silicon Valley. I did not major in computer science in college. Everything I knew, I learned on the internet. I lived in a hacker house for a while among FANG interns and “startup bros” trying to start companies. I had come a long way from a rural area on the East Coast. I categorically did NOT belong.
Imposter syndrome pushed me to work 12 hours a day. I’d go to work and then at home, I’d either work or do online classes. I was in a long-distance relationship at the time. With no personal life at risk, I was free to work nonstop. I did everything necessary to grow. I was, however, extremely stressed out for years, which showed up in my friendships and my health.
I was a junior engineer at the time, but all of that effort really paid off. I moved to a company that recognized the skills I had acquired, though I recognize that not everyone will be as lucky as I was.
Find something you’re passionate about, grow yourself and try to reach your true potential.”
How did you deal with your imposter syndrome? Was there a particular situation, quote, idea or person who helped change your perspective?
Getting promoted helped. Also, personally noticing how much I had grown helped a lot. There were also people around me who I had legitimately impressed and they made an effort to tell me so.
What advice would you give to other professional women who are dealing with imposter syndrome?
Find a company that appreciates you, but also know that no job is worth working 12 hours a day or should replace your family and friends. Find something you’re passionate about, grow yourself and try to reach your true potential instead of being a cog in the machine somewhere.
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Give us some background. How have you experienced imposter syndrome in your career?
I’ve felt imposter syndrome at probably every new gig I’ve landed. Even if you’re a fit for the role on paper, you can still feel like a fraud when you’re in it. The reality is that it’s more common than you think — everyone gets hit with imposter syndrome at some point in their career.
My favorite stories of this come from my time working in consulting — the ultimate training ground for battling imposter syndrome. In my early 20s, I found myself managing large engineering projects for Fortune 500 clients. Often, I was the only female in the room and the youngest. I felt out of place, constantly worried that everyone could see that I didn’t belong. But in these meetings, I put on my best confident face and spoke with conviction.
The reality was that I had been trained to handle these situations. I knew what needed to be done, but my own doubts kept getting in my way. It took me time to realize that while I saw myself as inexperienced, no one else in the room saw me that way. They saw only what I presented to them — a calm and confident professional who was skilled in project management and worked hard to get their project organized.
How did you deal with your imposter syndrome? Was there a particular situation, quote, idea or person who helped change your perspective?
One of the best managers I had was Frances Chao, a badass female leader. She told me, “No one actually knows what they’re doing all of the time. But the best ones know how to ask the right questions to get there.” You don’t have to know everything about everything to be effective in your role. All you need to do is understand your key stakeholders, the scope and goal of the project, and the roadmap and roadblocks to get there. It’s also okay to be honest about what you don't know.
I put this approach into action when I managed a highly technical project to completion. On day one, I got to know my team and their challenges, goals and roles. I assigned clear action plans to help them contribute to the project, and I didn't pretend to know everything. Instead, I was open and honest and asked the right questions to gather the data I needed to craft a plan. I also spent quality time in one-on-ones, getting to know my team members and stakeholders. By building trust and empathy, I started feeling like I fit in and was truly part of their team instead of an imposter.
You don’t have to know everything about everything to be effective in your role.”
What advice would you give to other professional women who are dealing with imposter syndrome?
If you’re feeling like an imposter, don’t worry — it’s totally natural to feel that way. But remember that all you need to do is focus on what's truly expected of you, utilize what you do know to ask the right questions and build trust with your team. And before you know it, you’ll start feeling like you belong and adding value like a pro.
Recognize what is in your control and don’t fret about what is out of your control. If you let your imposter thoughts get the best of you, you’re doing a disservice to yourself and your team. You were hired into your role for a reason. Come into the job with the same level of confidence that you brought during your hiring interview and be intentional with how you engage your team.
Lastly, realize that everyone else felt imposter syndrome when they first came into their roles, so you’re not alone. The sooner you can find ways to get over that mental block, the sooner you can let your confidence shine through.
